A visit to the 'Start'...

26th was a wonderful day...
Life was good at start...Really good..no words to describe...I used to feel like a prince roaming around in my area with my father and brother...I can still feel that Kinetic honda..No Hayabusa would have given me a greater feel than that...I miss all those good moments..The 'Friday' visits to bookshops..buying the shop out...The Saturday trips to cousins' place...and the return trips on Sundays with guaranteed buys of ice-creams and chocolates..The Kinetic honda felt like a limousine for the four of us including my mother...so spacious it was...And wonderful life was..No pressure..no responsibility..I used to think how lucky I was...The people around were wonderful...
As always things changed..Something so so unexpected happened that we had to shift..The shift was meant to bring us more happiness..It never did though...I left the wonderful place..The people around whom I had thought to be a part of my life all the way became just part of my memories..I never wanted to leave but I had to..I left behind all those happiest days of my life...
I miss my stay at Kundara...I miss the people..place and shops there..I miss my old schools..I miss everything..
I have gone once or twice to visit my old place..I feel sad seeing the place..Its so nostalgic..and watching the house from outside knowing that you can't rush in like before hurts..
Went for a marriage on 26th..Got to see some people who had made my childhood memorable..including the one getting married...Though I could find many familiar faces, Wasn't able to make out all of them...Just a flash of memories..some looked the same..some so different..The funny fact is that no one recognized me..was expected..They may have seen me last as a kid 14 years back..The ones who recognized had the 'Where in the hell were you all these days' look on them..Still could not meet some whom I wanted to meet..It was good to be there with my brother and mother..My brothers memories may not be sharp as mine because he was too small when we left..still he too would have felt the loss we made by leaving the place..The place has changed a lot since those days...I could hardly recognize the way to my old house...Everything together made me feel a bit strange...Was the feeling good or bad..I really don't know..Was the happiness in being there again or the sadness about the loss I made by not being there prominent..Cant really make out..

A thought...

Reasoning can vary from person to person..A good enough rational reason may not make sense at all to the other...and many a time it can create problems in relationships and friendships...I don't know what it takes to bring in perfect understanding among all...And the worst is the fact that no one openly criticizes these days..everyone keeps everything in mind..making things much more difficult...
I am really sorry in case I have hurt anyone in one way or the other...May be I did..but I just wanted to say nothing was intentional..Each and everything I did was with the belief that I was doing something good if not great..:)
I have tried as far as possible to stay away from spaces where I am not needed or where I am a potential problem maker...I always do that..but most of the times everyone involved fails to understand..Hope someday everyone will understand...I never wanted to hurt anyone..I never wanted to be cruel to anyone..I never wanted to lie..May be at times I have hurt people..I want each and everyone of them to understand that I feel more hurt in those situations....Wish everyone thought a bit more...thought a bit more on the other's situation before putting on a blame...

Merry Christmas.....finally

Christmas and new year holidays...it has always been so eventful for me...Really miss the times of my stint as one among the Fantastic four organizing holiday programs for everyone in the neighborhood..The best part of it was the timing...Those days had the official 'Power cut' by KSEB in place..So getting audience was very easy...me,bro and cousins...no super powers..no rescue missions..but together ..we were special..
But then time went on...Guess everyone forgot the 'Fantastic four'..though it lived within the four of us..through time..I had to move away from home...Later on each of us had to move to some place or the other in pursuit of higher education or job as is common these days...The realization that we are leaving our childhood behind is painful at times...I miss the 'no responsibility-all play-no pressure' period of everyone's life...
After a long period, yesterday's Christmas was special...I felt as if I was a kid once more...All four of us were there..and yeah..there were more...there were children all around..three cute little girls...one tenth grader..massive audience...and the four of us(of course we are still kids as much as them)...in our 'Udayagiri'..The program was really special coz it materialized from thin air..there were no plans until the party started...Everyone was dancing...Those days it was difficult to arrange music and videos for songs and programs...But yesterday was perfect..Thanks to the 'Youtubes and facebooks'...'The 'laptops and ipads'...Moreover I feel Udayagiri as a techzone these days..So many laptops...surround sound systems and tv sets upstairs and downstairs..keyboards and guitars..and hell load of wires to connect them..(Thanks to a sound engineering student in house..all these came as part of his study materials..)Took us just minutes to connect and make arrangements..
Programs went on for almost 4 hours..Felt good overall...each one of us contributed in some way or the other..and it felt really good to see the girls dance...Felt as one among them...and more importantly everyone enjoyed..
The last time I was part of something like this was the last New year...All four were there and three families together...Me and my brother made the dinner arrangements...That was a wonderful day too...I always wanted to see everyone together..It has always been about taking initiatives...and I hope I would be able to see many more of these in the coming days...

Love my life..

Just love my life..If it was so problem free,may be I won't have liked it this much..I love the challenges that are coming by..I love the twists and turns in my life..Today, I am in the middle of chaos..I don't see a way forward..Looking around, I feel dizzy..which way to go..which one to rectify first..which way to go first..But then I realize...What is the fun in living a life without facing any responsibilities.. I feel my responsibilities.. I feel selfless... I feel excited.. I look to the future.. May be I am in the middle of a sea.. But I can feel the shore nearby.. And there is no feeling like achieving something that you thought to be unattainable...
I feel alive..I feel needed... I feel RESPONSIBLE.....:)